Back... ish...

It's been awhile, I know. My life has been... complicated, and it's taken some time to get back to a point where I could actually sit down and try to put my thoughts in any sort of cohesive format - but I think I can start to do that again so here goes!

As I sit here I am at a place in my life I honestly never thought I would be - and yet, it is the most comfortable I have been in my own skin in a long time. The last year was full of chaos - the dissolution of my marriage, a very long distance move (for me anyway), the start of a new relationship and a surprise pregnancy. Good and bad, every experience I have had has set me on the path that has brought me to where I am now, and where I am now is an amazing place to be.

I sit at my computer today - a place I have sat a million times before - 7 months pregnant and more concerned about preparing correctly and reading all sorts of material than the now almost trivial things I used to pass my time contemplating. This isn't to say I don't still contemplate those things - because I assure you, I do - they just take a back burner position these days.

I don't necessarily have a "plan" for this blog as such. Mostly I want to document my journey (which I should have been doing from day one but better late than never), so it will likely ramble through baby talk and other randomness. For those of you who choose to read along - I, as always, appreciate any feedback.

Baby Time Update:

Woke up this morning around 4am, not by my usual need to go to the bathroom, drink a gallon of water, or have a snack, but by a raging sore throat and ear ache. Managed to get back to sleep around 6:30am until around 8am then got up to research solutions only to realize that aside from Chloraseptic which only masks the pain, there is nothing I can take for a sore throat. I've been sipping on hot lemon tea all day which works fantastically as long as I'm sipping on hot tea - as soon as I stop drinking it the pain comes back. Oh well, I can't really complain. Other than the first three solid months of terrible "morning" sickness and off and on sciatic pains in my right leg, my pregnancy has been blissfully easy.

Random Gripes:

They're remaking Nightmare on Elmstreet??!! Seriously, I guess I shouldn't be surprised - they seem to remake absolutely anything these days rather than come up with anything the slightest bit original. I know there are no "new" ideas but at least TRY. I know that the original Nightmare was no Oscar winner (not that "Oscar winner" means good by any means - some Oscar winners are steaming piles themselves) but it was a horror classic and the trailers look like garbage. No one other than Robert Englund should ever be Freddy - 'nuff said.


I'd say that's a good start for the day. Off to read to the baby!

Am I good or evil?

I recently borrowed a copy of this game from a friend (thank you illustrious Monkey) which I am very excited about. I've been wanting to play this for quite some time - but since I didn't have nor did/do I ever plan to purchase a Hex-box, I wasn't holding out too much hope that I would ever get to. (I won't rant on the Hex-box here - that's another post another time - just way too many reasons for my distaste for said system.) At any rate - I put much thought into how I was going to play this game as the four discs were loading onto trusty Space Ghost (for those of you that don't know - that is the name of my newly rebuilt system - again, long story - 'nother time). You see - normally I just want to get the most game completion possible - which forces me to make certain decisions when faced with "this or that" choices in games (see Final Fantasies and the like) whether that's the choice I really WANT to make or not. Ultimately I decided to play this game ENTIRELY as though it was me making the choices. I figure this is a pretty neat way to see if I am (by the standards of this particular interpretation of morai) good or evil.

I didn't get very far last night because it was late, I was tired, and then a transformer blew on our block and we lost power for the better portion of the evening - but I'll give you my beginnings and try to write along so that you can see whether I am good or evil (though I'm sure most of you have likely already made your determinations about that:). At any rate - you start off with the introductory quests in your little village. Your sister's birthday is "today" and you don't have a present nor do you have any money to buy said present. That's alright - your dad tells you that he'll give you cash for every good deed you do within the town. So I set off to find my "good deeds". You can tell who you can "interact" with because they will glow green.

First green glower I see is a little girl that has lost her bear. I figure can't be that hard to find a bear (objects you can interact with glow blue so I figure I'm looking for a blue glowing bear) but after wandering around the village for quite some time I've seen no sign of a bear of any sort so I just start looking for other green people. Second green person I find is some dude making out with some chick behind the houses. I wander over and he says "don't tell my wife" and offers me a bribe. This one is fairly easy for me - of course I'm going to tell your wife you ass, in fact where is she? I'm on my way there now. I tell her that her idiot is over behind that house with some ho and behold, my first good points. Because I now have no idea what to do I follow the lady back to her husband to see if they turn green again - which they don't - but as his wife is tearing him apart the idiot makes some negative comment toward me and so I punch him in the crotch (it's the crotch not by choice though I probably would have chosen that too - but because that's how tall you are). The score now goes 1 good and 1 evil. Now you may ask "why" I punched the cheater in the crotch - or you may not anyone who knows me knows I would TOTALLY do that. My only issue is the evil point. I don't think punching cheaters in the crotch is evil - I think it is something that must be done. Either way - I am now the yin-yang of good and evil. These two aren't doing anything of benefit to me at this point so I wander off again on the quest to find the bear. I don't find the bear - what I do find is a bully kid who is picking on another little kid. I talk to the bully kid and he tells me that the little kid is hiding a bear that the bully kid wants to destroy. Now I know where the bear is but when I talk to the little kid he refuses to give me the bear until I do something about the bully. Now - first I ponder on this - hitting the cheater was wrong so shouldn't hitting the bully be wrong? I mean they're both BAD people who did something wrong. Then I remember I'm playing this game as if I was me - so I proceed to beat the snot out of the bully who runs away crying for his mommy like the little bitch he is. But wait.... what's that? I get a good point! Hmm... now I'm confused but decidedly moving back toward the good side as I claim the bear from the boy and head back in the direction of the girl to whom I must return it. On my way I notice another large man running in my direction - turns out he is the village idiot - I mean officer who has heard that I have been striking people in public for no reason (I'm assuming he means the cheater) and tells me that will not be tolerated and if I was a man instead of a child I'd be properly punished for it (along with a whole string of other crap that I tune out of in the game much the way I would tune out of it in reality - I can't help it - if I hear the word "should" my brain just shuts down). Now after standing there and listening for awhile I punch the "officer" in the crotch and go on my way (yes, I realize that in reality I cannot punch cops in the crotch without going to jail but believe me when I say I'm always THINKING they deserve to be punched in the crotch) - hello evil point number two and we are now back to an even spread. I find the girl, return the bear, good point - and I'm back on the light path for a moment. I know I have one more task to find to be able to afford my sister's gift so I set out in search of the last green. Eventually another man comes hauling ass in my direction - and I get ready for some crotch punching if necessary. Turns out dude has to pee really bad and just wants me to watch his boxes for him so no one steals them while he's gone. I figure that's the easiest good point so far so I stand between the boxes and wait for the guy to relieve himself. As I'm waiting a snot nosed little brat waddles up and informs me that I can go into his barns and bust up his barrels to steal the stuff inside while he's gone. Well - I KNOW that's wrong - plus, I'm not really one for the thieving in reality so I just ignore the kid and stand my ground. When I don't go to bust and steal the snot begins to talk smack. After ignoring him for awhile and wondering when this idiot is going to get done with whatever number he's on at this point - I finally break and punch the snot right in his smart little mouth. Needles to say there comes an evil point and I'm back to the baseline of 50/50. Oh well - so I don't really know anything at this point - it's still been an incredibly interesting process. I do have the distinct feeling I'm going to end up being evil.

More as it happens!

Revolution

First - I discovered yesterday that Barrow actually IS a place! Made famous in what is easily one of my favorite comic novellas EVER (30 Days of Night) this tiny town is perched in the northernmost settled area of Alaska. Makes that story all the more interesting....

On a completely different but equally interesting front - Mars Rover pics are continuing to come in. October was the anniversary of the thousandth day of it's unprecedented exploration. It seems the more we know - the more mystery shrouds the red planet. Is there life? Was there water? One thing is clear - the view is amazing! So incredible to be alive in a time when such things are not only possible but regular.

One not so great thing about today - it is the 43rd anniversary of Kennedy's assassination. For my Parent's generation it's the thing that they remember as sort of a turning point. But was it really? Great Men were dying long before Kennedy, and Great Men have died since. I'm certain that Great Men will die in the future. What is it that made his death so important? I'm not belittling his death - I'm just curious. Why did it mark our collective consciousness? Was it the death of innocense, was it a turning point for the world? The same could be said for our generations moment - September 11th - though more what I remember about that is how from then on forward as long as we can milk it horrible tragedy has become our excuse to do whatever we want. I hope that changes, because it's disgusting. It makes me ashamed not only to be an American but also to be a human at times - that you could take someone else's ultimate pain and make it into a crutch to push your own agenda. That is the very definition of soulless politicians.

Final Thought - from my Buddhist Thought of the Day:

The Void is not of the nature of a black abyss or a bottomless pit. Rather is its nature 'vast and expansive like space itself'. It is apprehended as 'serene, marvelous, all-pure, brilliant and all-inclusive'. Above all does it partake of the nature of light. And it is not anything. For Void is Mind Itself, and Mind Itself is Void.

- Ask the Awakened by Wei Wu Wei

If I could learn to understand that statement - much of my life would make sense to me. I wish you all an amazing holiday! Enjoy your families, your friends, your homes, your food, your LIVES. We have so much to be thankful for - don't forget what is really important.

Hello Hell - Meet Handbasket

Proof that the end is near:
KFC has constructed a logo that is now visible from space. Now the aliens can gaze down upon our fair planet and say "nope - no intelligent life there - prepare for invasion". It does look kind of fake to me. There are other photos that make it look less fake here: http://michaelcastellon.blogspot.com/2006/11/kfcs-logo-first-to-be-seen-from-space.html. Scroll down there's a weird gap at the beginning. Let me know what you guys think.







Obsessively listening to:

http://www.pandora.com/music/album/4f83c46151c69734



Daily Dose of Lebowski:

"Ve believe in nothing, Lebowski."
"Yeah, ve believe in nothing."
"Tomorrow, ve come and ve cut off your johnson."



Hoo-rah for Science!

http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/viewnews.php?id=82442

Though I'm sure the creationists won't agree...but I think you could completely agree with the creationists and they'd still argue semantics with you.

College Basketball Heaven:

Florida vs. Jacksonville - 7pm

Maryland vs. St. John's - 7pm

Open the Cargo Bay Doors....

Obsessively Listening To:
http://www.ifilm.com/video/2665489

Now for something weird:

http://gadgets.candyham.com/2006/03/01/ambient-orb-information-at-your-eyeball-tips/#respond

I'm not sure what to even make of that thing. I think it definitely goes up there in the HAL scale of weirdo electronic devices that pretty much just freak me out. I mean - I don't want some flashy orb directing my mind. No thanks - I'll pass. Keep to yourself HAL.

History Lesson:

Today in 1969 protestors marched on Washington in a peaceful rally against the Vietnam War. And here we are today...running around in the same circles and feeling self justified for doing so. Why don't we ever learn from history? When will we stop being the world's "superhero" when we're really just the bully in sheep's clothing? Face it - we don't do anything if it's not to help ourselves. No one does. Ugh.

That having been said - I suppose it's really no surprise to me what my "Art of the Day" selection was. I will share it with you though:

I studied this piece in my Art History courses in High School in College. It's a piece by Jheronimus Bosch called The Last Judgement. It's always been haunting to me - and today is no different. There is so much detail - and all of it is pain. Even in the garden there is pain. What does that say about humanity? What do we have to look forward to? This painting shows no heaven except for as a perch from which that all knowing, omnipotent, generic cartoon god sits in judgement. The souls are all in hell - whether it be the hell of shame in the garden, the hell of earth and daily suffering, or the hell of damnation and eternal torment. Not a very hopeful tale I know - but such is my mood this morning.

I was going to try to end on a positive note - but even Calvin and Hobbes seem to be telling me something today:

To Touch The Stars

On this day in 1889 a woman set out to do an amazing thing. To beat the fictional trip of Around the World in 80 Days. She did it. It took Nellie Bly 72 days to complete her very REAL trip around the world.

When did we lose this magic? When did the need to dream - to achieve the impossible (or rather the impossible that DIDN'T include winning the nuclear race and ultimate world domination) disappear from the world?

I remember reading as a child and wanting the impossible. Wanting the gateway to Narnia in the back of my closet, wanting to Hitchhike across the galaxy, wanting that train ride cross country just to see what was there. This woman wanted it, and she aimed for it, and she got it. Where has that gone? Why don't we want that anymore? When does the magic of childhood and imagination give up the ghost and slide out of our bodies never to be seen again?

Jumping In....

Well - I really like the set-up of this site much better than MySpace - plus - no annoying ads and friend requests from bands. Now... if only I can get the rest of my buds to move here as well! For the time being I'll post in both places! Yes - yes.... that is my solution!